Caught in the Tuna Net

Out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever and in the interests of better communications, some (possibly new) smileys:

o_0 < - "This is bizzarro"
0_o <- "Yep, still strange"
=_0 <- "Let's try with one eye to see if it looks any better"
0_= <- "Maybe close the other eye?"
=_= <- *squint* or, "I take a dim view of this"
0_0 <- "Yikes!"
>_< <- "Godammit"
8_8 <- "Aliens clearly invented this"
@_@ <- "Holy cow!" or big puppy-dog eyes
9_9 <- "There they go again", eyes rolling
Q_Q <- "Uh oh"
*_* <- "I. Want. That."
6_9 <- "I've gone completely nuts!"
T_T <- *sniffle*
^_^ <- smile
n_n <- even smilier
>.> <- “Do you think they noticed?”
<.< <- “Nope, don’t think they did”
.__. <- “Bored now. Can I leave?”
x_X <- “Kill me now, please” i.e., Friday afternoons and early Monday mornings
~_^ = *wink!*

* * *
You may now return to your regularly scheduled serious business.

The BPA Sent Help

Courtesy of Ed Averill of Austin, TX:

Frozen Zombie-Land (To the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)

Sirens blare, are you listening,
In a pool, blood is glistening
A horrible sight,
Surely a fright.
Screaming in a frozen zombie-land.

Gone away are the living
Lots of brains, they were giving
We’re shouting in fear
As they grow near
Screaming in a frozen zombie-land.

In the meadow we can stack the corpses,
Plenty of them all around the town
We’ll say: are they buried?
They’ll say: no man!
A zombies place just isn’t underground!

Later on, we’ll perspire
As we set them afire
We’re deathly afraid
Of the monsters we’ve made
Screaming in a frozen zombie-land.

Who sees small, round, middle-aged women like me? Nobody. We’re invisible; people down in the station try to run me over constantly.  In fact, if I wanted to create a completely successful crime organization, I would staff it totally with middle-aged women. Nobody would suspect a thing. Like this:

Bank robber: “Put the money in the bag, dear. NOW. And wipe the tomato sauce off your chin. Thank you!”

Crooked Accountant: “Nobody will suspect that we’re laundering money through  minority educational funds and  homes for stray cats.”

Embezzler: “Who will miss that 1/4 cent per Macy’s charge account? …about 5 zillion of them… And some nice shoes…ooooh, cute shoes…”

Computer fraud: Security officer: “Who is this ‘AntiSarah’ and how did she manage to divert an entire train car of fudge sauce to Cincinnati?”

Carjacking: *Pulls .45 out of large handbag* “Out of the car, dear. NOW. Here’s cab fare.” *buckles seat belt* *vanishes in a squeal of burning rubber*

Drug lord: Competition says, “Who dat bitch selling train car full of hot fudge sauce to diabetics? Dey puttin’ me outta bidness!”

Prostitution: Prostitute B:  “How come you not freezin yo titties out here?” Prostitute A: “She make me wear dis sweater wit’ da hotpants.”

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I have them on my back deck. Bet you do, too. Who knew that they were…well, the next big ‘Net meme!

This blog is hysterical as it is, but ZOMG, the Chair… you must read about the Chair.

UPDATE:

More chairpr0n on Flickr.