Caught in the Tuna Net

Getting sets for Poser is like reading real estate ads: sounds great and the photo looks good, but you need really walk around in them to find out what they’re like. They’re never as good as they sound. Mind you, there’s theoretically nothing wrong with a set made to be used at a distance. However, I like to work into the nooks and crannies of a set. Who the heck spends their time standing out in an empty space surrounded by grand structures? Not me and not my figments, that’s for sure. I also do not do cartoon images. I like my renders realistic.

And why the heck won’t they tell us when a set is not made for closeups? Are closeups only made for interiors? GRRR.

With those requirements in mind, I have a huge beef here: a lot of interesting sets available for Poser and Studio (and even Carrara) are actually NOT made to be used up close or even in the mid distance. What makes this the case?

• low resolution textures for the surface covered: nastily blurry and artifact-y when rendered at medium distance (within about 12 Poser feet)
• edges that are too sharp and too clean on old or worn buildings
• textures that are too regular or have moire patterns
• lack of mesh detail and general boxiness

These lists will be updated periodically. I’m not finished by a long shot with this!

The Roll Call of Crummy Sets

I’m not going to bag on the freebies—you get what you pay for.

Roll Call of Good Sets

None of them are perfect, but these are pretty darned good.

Who sees small, round, middle-aged women like me? Nobody. We’re invisible; people down in the station try to run me over constantly.  In fact, if I wanted to create a completely successful crime organization, I would staff it totally with middle-aged women. Nobody would suspect a thing. Like this:

Bank robber: “Put the money in the bag, dear. NOW. And wipe the tomato sauce off your chin. Thank you!”

Crooked Accountant: “Nobody will suspect that we’re laundering money through  minority educational funds and  homes for stray cats.”

Embezzler: “Who will miss that 1/4 cent per Macy’s charge account? …about 5 zillion of them… And some nice shoes…ooooh, cute shoes…”

Computer fraud: Security officer: “Who is this ‘AntiSarah’ and how did she manage to divert an entire train car of fudge sauce to Cincinnati?”

Carjacking: *Pulls .45 out of large handbag* “Out of the car, dear. NOW. Here’s cab fare.” *buckles seat belt* *vanishes in a squeal of burning rubber*

Drug lord: Competition says, “Who dat bitch selling train car full of hot fudge sauce to diabetics? Dey puttin’ me outta bidness!”

Prostitution: Prostitute B:  “How come you not freezin yo titties out here?” Prostitute A: “She make me wear dis sweater wit’ da hotpants.”

Don’t feel left out of the flat-panel TV revolution (does that mean they spin?). I only own a modest one and the Tivo upstairs, along with a Sony DVD player gotten on massive sale. Meh. The Honorable GF is the true Tech Ho’ in our house.

We squabble over how I could possibly be cyberpunk enough for her to hang out with, as I’m actually not big on gadgets for gadget’s sake.  I think it comes from my engineering training as well as temperament: I tend to only want something if I need it…and I don’t perceive “latest and greatest” as a need, necessarily. I hate techno clutter in real life. My ideal robotic/cybermind assistant would look, to all intents and purposes, like a Victorian drawing room…or just like a plain old room. You wouldn’t know it was there. No weird hummanoid interfaces, no massive writing ductwork or cabling or racks of equipment. No knobules and thingumawidgets would clutter up my space, ever.

Screens should lever up from the inlaid oak desktop if necessary, and include gestural interfaces. No mouse, no keyboard, unless you need to type  letters or draw something. Transfer the items in question to your smart-paper, which you fold up (one sheet) to carry in your pocket, purse, or bag. PDAs—bah. Phones—bah. Unless you *want* to have something to pick up and hold…then it might be modern or retro.

Thirty years ago, I wanted TVs you could hang on the wall like a picture to get it the heck out of my way. Well, finally they catch up with me! Refrigerators should compose grocery orders, and you should be able to use the fridge-front interface to make the order to be delivered or picked up. Houses should be able to keep up with the bills, not to mention the climate control, even if you use steam radiators with boilers. Plug the damned car into the driveway when you get home. And the driveway should heat briefly to facilitate snow removal, if the retractable carport  (which otherwise looks like a piece of architecture) doesn’t do the trick. Windows should dim for privacy when you clap or give the keyword, forget the damned dusty drapes unless you *really* wanted them (in which case they should be huge, long red velvet ones), but the house should otherwise look like a piece of Craftsman art.

I truly loathe the necessity for the badly-designed clutter of little personal electronics, most of which use text that is too small for anyone over forty to read. The damned wire from my earbuds to my iPod is constantly getting tangled in everything. Hateful wires…I should be able to plug the thing into the shoulderstrap on my bag so I don’t have yet MORE things hanging off me. Can’t stand a clutter of computer add-ons, either. Screens are ugly enough. Why can’t they have gold-leafed carved frames? or just be a glass panel that becomes opaque when you use it, but is see through when you aren’t? Why isn’t my mouse in between the halves of my keyboard, so the halves are separated by about a foot, so my arms and neck doesn’t hurt from scrunching into un-natural postures. And all cubes should have halogen or greenhouse like lamps with mandatory plants under them. OK, maybe not mandatory plants…