Caught in the Tuna Net

It’s my blog, and I shall blow my own horn a little. Made it on the weekly statistical rollup at Renderosity as #30 favorite artist for July 20-26.  When I have a good week, picture-wise, this can happen. *beams*

Art Charts.

ZOMG, Steve has his own Wikipedia page. Not that I should be shocked, Steve is a museum-worthy artist, certainly. I make mention of this because I was explaining to a lovely young person that Steve helped me immensely when I was floundering around and in my twenties and thirties, just by being encouraging and kind.  I hope to pay it forward.

And it’s fun to see images of paintings I remember being painted! In his basement in Alexandria.

I also remember a yellow sticky of cowboy curses (darn! shucks!) stuck to his big old oak easel. His youngest, Zara, was very small, and those were the nicer versions he was supposed to use instead of the usual variety. And a story about Frank Frazetta, who taught him that whatever paints you use, do not stint on good brushes. Things like that.

He was very kind about my awful first paintings. Bless you, Steve.

Go see his lovely web site: http://www.stephenhickman.com/

A wonderful young friend of mine wrote in a forum:

Thing is see…I dunno what my perfect is. I dunno what I have to reach to be able to look at what I do and go “Yea I really like that.”

I see perfection in so many other people and things that sometimes i defeat myself before I’ve begun….I just dunno how to break that away from my mind.

I see perfection everywhere…everywhere except from within myself….I’m not really sure why.

>_<

Oh, honey. You *knew* I was gonna see this, didn’t you? *Pats the sweetie pie*

Another poster in the forum said that flaws and imperfections were desirable attributes. Here’s the other thing: This is the sort of quest that turns into a spiritual journey, and you can learn some very interesting things along the way. But if you never start, you’ll never arrive.

There is a Japanese aesthetic that says that something *too* symmetrical, too even, too “perfect” is not perfect. Pretty much, something that *looks* natural is considered perfect–the little flaws are treasured. Unevenness and asymmetry are sought after.

Therefore, every little flower in a meadow is perfectly what it is supposed to be. AND…every little human being on the planet as well—the good, the bad, the suffering, and the happy. You are being exactly what you are supposed to be! Interesting deviations from exactitude are considered desirable!  Anything without those…is imperfect.

Now, finding out and bringing the “what I’m supposed to be” into consciousness and nurturing it, is called living dharmically (I may stretch the definition a bit here) in the yogic teachings.

The only thing you should want to be when you grow up—is yourself! That’s it! Nothing else.

This is why sometimes, after decades (I am over 50) of messing around, stopping, starting, screwing up, procrastinating, and occasionally working hard, when I sometimes find I’ve “nailed it,” by achieving a sought-after balance in a piece of art or design or writing, something that makes me and others pleased to behold it—well, it’s not “perfect.”  It’s just what it should be, no more or less.

I mean, hell, there’s always someone with more technical skill or imagination out there! I think the issue is to take in hand your definitions rather than to randomly going around measuring all sorts of things and people with widely varying backgrounds, skill, desires, and so forth against one standard of…well, what DO you mean by “perfect?”

I know what I like, anyhow: Poise in motion, composition, and execution; freshness in ideation. Artistic realism and naturalism.

Try using words other than perfect to describe what it is that makes the something desirable! You may get some clues that way.

Since I started this blog, I have completed the drafts of 4 books of urban fantasy, laced with science fiction, a modicum of erotica, and cyberpunkishness. My writing muse is pretty happy with me most days.

Along the way, I decided that I really, really wanted to be able to see my figments, and took up working with Poser, which I had put down three years ago, having been worn out by working as a merchant in the Poser community, and due also to getting a job after being laid off for 8 months. I was most grateful for the job at Real Magnet in Bethesda, but it was a very intense one and pretty much ate my life, as I was so tired after work that I did nothing creative at all for a long time, except a bit of jewelry-making.

Leaving Real Magnet for Amtrak opened up a lot of head space, apparently. In January of 2007, I believe it was, inspiration finally exploded. This is the deep, dark secret—no longer! I was playing Sims2, and having a blast. This apparently caused the figments to awaken, and some of them walked off the screens of the Sims and became far, far different from their original paper-doll forms, assuming depth, breadth, and their own voices and lives. It was like having a movie running in my head 24/7.

I let it out. It was the best thing I ever did.

And I finished the very first draft of the very first book inside of three months, I believe, about 300 pages (it’s since expanded, necessarily). Each successive one has gone slower and slower. They have not stopped, but it’s reached a steady walking pace that does allow me to do visual as well as verbal art. So, midway through book number four, in August of 2008, I went back to Poser. This time, I had some money, some energy, and the drive to depict. Again, the figments leaped off the screen of my mind an onto the computer screen.

Yesterday I posted my 101st picture on this web site, over in the 3D gallery. I have done more than that, but that’s 101 Dalmatians—I mean, images that are keepers. Now I can see my figments when I want to! And I have met new ones along the way, who are keeping me busy with book five.

I have no idea if I will ever publish the books. I have been published as an illustrator, some minor stuff including a short-lived comic, a book cover, and some gaming materials—so it’s not like I’ve never been there. The books need tidying up and a good editor. My dear AJ Savill has had a major positive impact on the first book, and helped the others mature into better works. Thank you, thank you AJ. Ms. Karen Fox has also taken up the mantle of reader, but as with other volunteers, can only do what the rest of her life permits her to do.

I have, meantime, been quite driven to depict. My dear Kay will attest to this, since I all but chase her away when I’m working. I think the point of this particular bit of autobiography is that for once in my life (a) I let the muse run away with me, (b) I’ve had enough mileage as a designer, painter, and writer (of non-fiction) that I’m no longer as bedevilled by doubts as I was when I was young, and (c) I am persistent. I think the latter is key. It’s not rocket science: you practice anything daily, and you will improve, even if you have no talent for it. (God knows, I learned how to bowl properly, and I have absolutely zero talent for that. ) If you have both talent and a desire to do the whatever-it-is, then practice will improve your work, if you are willing to learn and try even a little bit.

In the Virile Noir thread(s) on the DAZ3D forums, which LT Roberts and I host (more or less), we have had the very special joy of watching others, encouraged and helped, improve significantly in the past eleven months. And we have improved ourselves, as we were just noting the other day. I owe LT a lot, for his friendship and encouragement. Thank you.

So: KEEP TRYING, you artists. I’m watching you.

I now have over 100 images in the 3d gallery online in this site! I have done more than that since last August, but these are the pick of the litter. So, this is what insane persistence is good for: littering cyberspace with pixels! Whee! Thanks to all the folks in the DAZ forums and especially the Virile Noir thread for your friendship and support!

There are also 9 new pairs of wallpaper downloads, because my aim is to decorate the Internet.