Crime Spree

Who sees small, round, middle-aged women like me? Nobody. We’re invisible; people down in the station try to run me over constantly.  In fact, if I wanted to create a completely successful crime organization, I would staff it totally with middle-aged women. Nobody would suspect a thing. Like this:

Bank robber: “Put the money in the bag, dear. NOW. And wipe the tomato sauce off your chin. Thank you!”

Crooked Accountant: “Nobody will suspect that we’re laundering money through  minority educational funds and  homes for stray cats.”

Embezzler: “Who will miss that 1/4 cent per Macy’s charge account? …about 5 zillion of them… And some nice shoes…ooooh, cute shoes…”

Computer fraud: Security officer: “Who is this ‘AntiSarah’ and how did she manage to divert an entire train car of fudge sauce to Cincinnati?”

Carjacking: *Pulls .45 out of large handbag* “Out of the car, dear. NOW. Here’s cab fare.” *buckles seat belt* *vanishes in a squeal of burning rubber*

Drug lord: Competition says, “Who dat bitch selling train car full of hot fudge sauce to diabetics? Dey puttin’ me outta bidness!”

Prostitution: Prostitute B:  “How come you not freezin yo titties out here?” Prostitute A: “She make me wear dis sweater wit’ da hotpants.”

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